I've seen this look many times over the past few weeks. It usually involves Ali crying because Emmet did something: tripped and fell on her, hit her in the head with a toy, tried to shove her paci in her ear or her eye, etc. And as Ali cries, and I come and swoop her up, Emmet just looks at me like "I don't understand why she's upset". And so it begins. In these moments, my first reaction is to be upset with Emmet. And then I try and remind myself that he was simply trying to help. Emmet has such a huge heart and is a great helper, but often his helping is more of hurting. If he was close enough to trip on her, he usually was just trying to kiss her. If his toy bonked her head, often it's because he was trying to share it with her. And he simply loves trying to give her paci back, but it frequently ends up anywhere but her mouth.
Needless to say, being a mom of two is rough, as I'm sure any mother out there would agree. Most days, I feel like I just get one settled and happy, only to find the other one upset about something. And I've only been at it for 3 weeks!
I'm probably writing this post more to process my own thoughts than to share anything with anyone.
A few weeks ago, I was having coffee with a friend and she told me the following:
Sometimes, it, may feel like all you do is feed kids and change diapers. And that can cause you to ask the Lord, "Is this all there is?". And the answer is yes! This is the role that the Lord has given you for now, to mother and be a mother to these two sweet children. There will be time for other things later, but you only have these kiddos for a short time.
When I seek the answer to the question, "is this all?", many times I am met with things like "no, you are so much more than just a mother" or "you have no idea the significance of what you do" or other answers that make me feel like I have significance somewhere. And I often have made comments about how I wish I could just get away from my kids for one day to feel like my life is making a difference somewhere. So when my friend told me this, it was a good fat slap in the face. And one that didn't make me feel so great at the moment because it wasn't something I wanted to hear.
But the reality is, the Lord has given me the role of mother: being a mother to two of the sweetest and most adorable kids I know (sorry, I'm a bit biased). And many days, it really does look like all I do is feed them and change them. And that's okay. My life is making a difference simply by loving on my kiddos. It's okay that I'm not using my degree in a formal setting, and it's okay that many days I don't change out of my PJ's. He has given me the blessing (I specifically chose that word, because many times it doesn't feel like a blessing) of loving and caring for and training and teaching the hearts of both Emmet and Alethea, and if that's all I do for the next 18 years, then I am still being faithful to what the Lord has called me to.
I am reminded of Mordecai's words to Esther in Esther 4:14: "And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?" Obviously, I'm not going to be a queen who is called to save her entire people, but I am a mom who has been called to raise my children in the way they should go (which is no easy task, by the way), and teach them to love the Lord with all that they are.
So for my fellow mamas who have two, or are about to have two, or will have two someday. It's hard. It's so much harder than one. You do get less sleep, whoever said to sleep when the baby sleeps obviously only had one kid. And there are times where you will be tempted to love one more than the other at that moment, usually the older of the two. And it can be hard to feel like you are starting over in some aspects, because now you have to go through sleep training and discipline and teaching baby sign all over again. And there will be days when you did nothing other than feed and change your kids. But it's worth it. And you have been called by the Lord to be the mom to your kids. You will make it, it will get easier. And the Lord will sanctify you through it and make you to be more like Him. What more could we want?
I have also seen this moment many times over the past three weeks. Aren't they the cutest?